36 Weeks

36 Weeks with Emma/36 Weeks with Abby

9 months today. I'm nearing the finish line - yay!! I adore being pregnant. I love feeling a baby kick and move, adore watching my growing belly stretch, and am beyond amazed daily with what a woman's body can do. I mean, do you REALIZE that it grows an entirely new ORGAN to sustain the baby??? Incredible. With that said.....I'm miserable. I can't lie.

I've reached the point where everything hurts. Parts I didn't know I had hurt. My back is in constant pain. Flipping over in the bed sometimes requires 2 people - THAT's how worn out I am. I have heartburn almost nightly. It hurts to pick Emma up out of her crib, put her on the changing table, or even into her high chair. Brad has 1 day of post-planning and then he's home for the summer so I'm SO happy! Not a minute too soon.

I had a pretty productive doctor's appointment yesterday. I saw a doctor that I really don't care for. The only other time I've seen her was the day that I found out I was miscarrying our first baby. She was insensitive, had a poor bedside manner, and was very "by the book." She was just...... a bitch. There, I said it. Having these twice a week visits though, and trying to work around other people's schedules so they can watch Emma, means that I don't really get to pick and choose who I see every time. I also know that I should have at least one visit with each doctor there because you never know who will be on call when you deliver.

Well, I still don't like her, but she was productive! We discussed my NST (non-stress test) results. Abby was looking VERY healthy. In fact, maybe TOO healthy. She wouldn't hold still and kept getting mad at the monitor, so a 20 minute test took over an hour. Little booger. She had great heart accelerations and movement, and the doctor was very happy with that. I didn't have any contractions this time, so I was happy too. She asked about my "plan" and whether or not I wanted a vaginal birth or c-section. As I think I've probably mentioned several times before, I had a terrible tear with Emma. She was 9 lbs and it took 4 hours in the OR to stitch me up and, let's just say, things will never be quite the same. After discussing that with this doc, she told me that she thought that was a prime reason to get a c-section (my insurance company won't cover an "elective" c-section). She said that she wouldn't even want me to labor with a 6lb. baby, much less one "this big."

After spending a bit of time feeling my belly and the baby, she made a guess on her size. 7-7.5 lbs!!!!! ALREADY! AT 36 WEEKS!!!! Do you realize that most babies weight that much at 40 weeks?? Average for right now is around 6 lbs, if that gives you any idea. Yeah, she's gonna give my 9lb, 38 weeker a run for her money. So the doc emailed their surgery scheduler and now we wait. She said that the woman would be going back and forth with my insurance company and would likely call me sometime next week with their decision - AND likely to schedule my surgery!! I'm crossing my crossables that it works out. I know it sounds strange for me to be excited about surgery, but you just.don't.know. I'd so much rather be cut open and have Abby arrive safely than risk shoulder dystocia (google it!) or the long-term damage that I would likely suffer from having such a big baby.

Emma's been so sweet and funny lately. I honestly can't wait to see what she thinks of being a big sister. The only thing in the world that concerns me is the thought of being away from her for that long. It terrifies me. We've never been apart for a night, much less several. Our plan is for Brad to be with me in the hospital during the days, with his mother watching Emma at our house. At night, he'll go home to bathe and play with her and get her to bed. My mom will come stay with me in the hospital because I'll likely need a little help getting Abby and changing her, etc., after surgery. I think the most important thing is for Emma to be at home. Her whole life is going to change and I think it's really important for her to be in her own environment. We'll see how it goes!

I've got the nursery almost completely ready. I want to wash the curtains and the dust ruffle from the crib. I also have to wash her carseat cover, swing, and bouncy seat. Brad's already re-raised the mattress. I've washed and put away all of the newborn clothes and diapers. Emma's all settled in her big-girl room and loving it. I can hardly believe that we'll likely have a new baby girl in our arms within about 3 weeks....or less. I'm so excited!!! I can hardly wait to hold her and see who she looks like. I'm over the moon. SO in love with her already.

35 Weeks

That's right. I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I can hardly believe that the time has flown as fast as it has. With the whirlwind of a crappy year that we've had, it's so nice to have something so happy and joyous to look forward to now. It's incredible to think that I will be holding a baby anytime from tomorrow until 4 weeks from now. It's been a really smooth, and really pleasant pregnancy so far. I've felt pretty good (up until the last week or so), haven't had the re-occurrence of morning sickness that I did with Emma, and have had really great doctor's reports and ultrasounds.

The tentative "plan" is to wait until I'm around 38-39 weeks pregnant and do an ultrasound. It will likely show (or they'll MAKE it show!) that Abby's huge and recommend scheduling a c-section around week 39. I had a really hideous tear with Emma and the doctor has informed me that, while it may not happen again, the damage is cumulative. My insurance won't cover an "elective c-section," but we're trying to make it work. Particularly because it looks like Abby's gonna be a big girl too. My gestational diabetes diagnosis also means that she has a much higher risk of being big.

Abby looks gorgeous in her ultrasounds - and looks NOTHING like Emma did! The ultrasound tech even told me at my last appointment that she appears to have a full head of hair! I can't even IMAGINE what that would be like. I can barely get bows to stay in Emma's hair now, even if she would let me!

She's a big girl. She was in the 67th percentile at my last ultrasound and likely now weighs in around 6 lbs. According to my pregnancy journal from Emma's pregnancy, by next week, she was registering at 6lbs. 13oz. Abby has been almost the exact same size that Emma was at each ultrasound, so it will be curious to see how big she is at my next ultrasound appointment.

I'm now going twice a week to the doctor. Yep. Twice a week I get to find someone to watch Emma, drive 30 minutes in traffic to the doctor's office, be hooked up to a non-stress test machine for at least 20 minutes, and then have an appointment with a doctor. It's not pleasant. I know that it's important for Abby's health though, so I do it anyway. The reason for such frequent visits is my gestational diabetes. It's very well managed right now, but around the time that we lost my Dad, the doctor thinks that stress caused it to get a little crazy.

They look for fetal movement, elevations and dips in her heartrate, and contractions. I DID have a few contractions at my last appointment, but the doctor said that it didn't appear to be a "labor pattern," and wasn't too concerned.

Abby's so precious already. She moves a TON. She never stops. She's head down and gets the hiccups a lot. She is so much more well-behaved than Emma was in-utero! Emma used to keep me up all night kicking, and hated it if I laid on my left side. Abby hasn't done any of that. She DOES wake up a lot right before we go to bed, but she eventually calms down and I don't feel her the rest of the night. Her kicks still creep Brad out pretty bad. They're VERY strong and you can really see them through my clothes. She's reached the point where you can feel a foot/knee/leg, etc. as it moves across my belly. Sweet, but a little creepy!

She kicks Emma's butt (literally) every night. After Brad puts her jammies on her, she sits in my lap for stories and prayers. Abby has a pretty good sense of humor because she will wake up and start kicking Emma HARD in the booty. I don't think Emma has really noticed it yet though - that night time diaper is pretty darn thick!

She's very high in my belly, and I got my first case of heartburn today. Emma was usually considered to be fairly low throughout my pregnancy, causing a ton of hip and pelvic pain. **knock on wood** I haven't had any of that with Abby. It's really been a very different pregnancy. My face hasn't broken out as it did with Emma, my heart hasn't raced, I'm not out of breath often, and though my back hurts like HELL, that's really my only discomfort.

Since we moved Emma into her big girl room, we've been working to clean out the nursery and get it ready for Abby. I've already washed all of the newborn clothes (was Emma EVER that small??) and have even started washing the newborn diapers. They're SO cute!!

We plan to use disposable diapers only as long as we feel like we need to. I've got infant prefolds and covers, and borrowed some newborn diapers from a really sweet lady that we met in Helen, GA on our last vacation with Emma - we bonded over cloth! I've got a case of newborn diapers, but don't plan on needing much past that point. I feel like we are already doing the laundry with Emma's diapers, and some extra isn't a big deal. We're already in the swing of things.

Just as soon as Brad gets done with school (Monday is post-planning and then he's DONE!) we're going to get the co-sleeper, swing, bouncy seat, etc. out of the basement and washed and ready to go. It won't be long now!

I can't wait to hold this sweet little baby in my arms. I also can't wait to see how Emma is with her new sister. I'm so incredibly happy for both of them and the bond that I know they will share as they grow.

The first picture is 35 weeks with Emma. The second is 35 weeks with Abby. I think they look darn near identical - including the fact that I look and feel like a cow in both of them!! ;)

Happy Times

I haven't blogged lately because, to be honest, I've felt like I was under a rock. I'm slowly starting to emerge and get my feet back under me. I PROMISE to be a better blogger very soon. It's certainly not been for a lack of hysterical new things Emma does! I thought I'd take a minute to jot a few funny things she says/does down so that I can remember them in the future. She literally says something new every.single.day. She keeps us amazed.

She's in her new "big girl" room now (still in a crib, but in her newly-decorated room). Her grandmother and grandpops gave her a ladybug that projects stars and the moon (some of her favorite things) on the ceiling. She's in LOVE. When Brad puts her in bed at night, she gets to request which color she wants the lights. It's usually "ba-loo." She loves baloo.

Her newest favorite show is "ba-loos ba-loos." AKA Blue's Clues. She's so funny. She has really been paying attention and comprehends so much of what she sees. She loves Sesame Street (mostly Elmo), Blue's Clues, Peppa Pig, and, of course, Yo Gabba Gabba. I try to keep it educational!

She gets VERY concerned if anyone cries - particularly any animal noises. She says, "she CRY!" I can't wait to see how THAT goes once there's a crying baby in the house!

She calls me "mommys." I'm not sure why. It's precious.

She calls Brad "Daddy" or "Pappy." If she hears me call him, she'll also call him "Bad" (Brad). Cracks me up. He doesn't particularly think Pappy is as funny as I do, but I don't really care. ;)

She adores air-pains. She will drop whatever she's doing to stop and listen to them or look for them when she hears one. She'll put her hand to her ear and say "listen! Hear it?" If you ask her where the airplane is going, she'll say "air powt." It sounds British and is HYSTERICAL.

She loves to boss the dogs. She'll say "come OWN Lucy!" Yesterday she said "HUSH Bailey!" and "get down Lucy!"

She pronounces nearly every word perfectly, with the exception of the word "spoon." She says "boos." No matter how many times I try to get her to say it the right way, it is always a boos. We just go with it. She'll repeat anything you ask her to, and even some things you wish she wouldn't. ;)

She has incredible manners. She says "thank you" and "you're welcome" perfectly without prompting and knows what they mean - she always uses them appropriately. She has also started to say "puh leeeese?" when she wants something she knows she most likely shouldn't have.



Her improved language skills are a double-edged sword. She now frequently requests chocolate and ice cream for breakfast. If I tell her she may have them after dinner, she says "puh leeeese?" Um. No.

She's in the midst of the terrible twos. Her language skills have helped somewhat lately, but she will still get VERY angry over small things. She usually just screams, but has been known to very delicately sit down on the floor. She REALLY wants to lay down and beat her head on the ground, but knows it would hurt. If we ignore her (which we always do) she stands right back up and is over it. She's a mess.

She's gotten to be a picky eater. What's funny is that she doesn't like most "kid friendly" foods. She's not really big on chicken nuggets (unless they're from Chick-Fil-A). She HATES macaroni and cheese, soup of any kind, and most noodle dishes. Her favorite food in the WORLD is Zatarain's Jambalaya with Cheese and turkey smoked sausage. She also adores hot dogs (nitrate free), PB&J, pizza (sometimes), and anything I'm eating.

Her usual breakfast these days consists of waffles, oatmeal, cheerios with milk, pancakes, or Mama's cheese eggs. She always has fruit of some sort - bananas or raisins, usually. She loves PB&J or grilled cheese for lunch. On Fridays we go get Chick-Fil-A as a treat. She calls it "pillow" because she's decided that the "C" on the sign looks like a pillow. I have no clue why. She adores most fruits - particularly mangoes, bananas, blueberries, blackberries, pears, and GRAPES!



She still takes 2 naps a day. Her first is 2 hours after she wakes up, and she usually sleeps around an hour and a half. Her second nap is 2 hours after she wakes up from the first, and is anywhere from 1.5-3 hours. She also still sleeps through the night - 12-13 hours or so. She usually wakes up around 8:30 AM. She has also fairly recently gotten VERY attached to her lovies. She's got one that my aunt gave her as a baby shower gift, and another that my mom got her for Christmas when I was pregnant with her. She loves them equally.

She knows all of the essential body parts and can point to each of them. She knows where baby Abby is if you ask her. She likes to lift my shirt up and say "open" to my belly. She doesn't seem to "get" that it doesn't work like that!


She adores Lucy - they are best friends.

We're starting to experiment with potty training. She seems interested, but doesn't mind having a wet or dirty diaper, and WON'T sit on the potty for more than 30 seconds at a time. We'll get there, but I think it will be after Abby gets here. It's not like I'm wasting money on diapers after all!


My goodness. That's all I've got time for. She's dancing in her crib as we speak - I'm watching her on the video monitor. More later!

Gone

I can't write much about this right now, because I just can't. Maybe one day soon I will, but not now. It's too fresh and my guts and my heart have been ripped open with loss and an emptiness that I can't even begin to explain. I want to be able to remember everything for my girls, but somehow, I don't think that I will need to write it down to remember every detail of every second.

My dad passed away on 4/15/11 at 4:08 PM in my and my Mom's arms. It was a beautiful and peaceful experience and I can only hope to feel as much love and peace as there was in that room when it's my time to go. He kept his dignity until the end, and passed away in his own bed - no needles, no poking, and no medication. He always DID choose his own path in life, and did things the way he wanted to - even in the end. We said our goodbyes, and a lot of words that I'd like to keep in the privacy of my heart, and then he went to sleep.

His funeral is tomorrow and I'm praying for the strength to make it through it. Mom and I are taking things minute by minute. The grief swells in waves, but is always there. A constant "hum" in the background of every conversation, every exchange. The tears flow several times a day, often unprovoked. I'm sure it will be that way for a long time.

For now, we have our precious Emma to love on and "nuggle nuggle" with, and sweet Abigail to prepare the way for. It's an incredible blessing to have those sweet girls to go on for. They will never know how much they've helped us all make it through these last few days, weeks, months.

Thank you all for the prayers, food, and general outpouring of love. We love each and every one of you and you have helped to ease the pain of our loss. We are eternally grateful.

Dad

It's been awhile since I did an updated post on my Dad, and his health has declined quite a bit since then. If I remember correctly, the last post I did was shortly after he stopped taking Tarceva, the chemo pill. He had been having nausea and diarrhea and had lost a good bit of weight. Well, that was when the floodgates opened.

He began actually vomiting a couple of weeks ago. He ate his last "meal" about 2 weeks ago this Sunday. He began to refuse to eat, knowing that he'd be sick if he did. He would eat a bite of food and vomit. He had an upper GI test done that showed 2 ulcers in his stomach, which would explain some of his stomach pain, but not the nausea. He was prescribed more anti-nausea medications than I can count, and none really helped. He began needing IV fluids daily because he literally wasn't eating or drinking anything. A home health agency has been sending a nurse out every day to give him IV fluids. It's been a huge event.

Last weekend his doctor recommended upping his anti-nausea medications to see if it would help. Within a day or 2, he began getting very disoriented and confused. It has gone downhill from there, despite changing the medications.

Right now, not much of what he says makes any sense. He mumbles and whispers and it's nearly impossible to understand what he's saying. Even when you DO understand, it is so incoherent. He talks about my grandpa like he just spoke to him yesterday, and tells you about their entire conversation. He's just in another world. On top of that, he's incredibly weak. He can't walk on his own and frequently bumps into things or falls, even when he's being helped to walk. He's still as stubborn as always, and keeps insisting that he needs to jump up out of bed to go SOMEWHERE. He can't be left alone - even for a second. He's a master at silently getting up if someone leaves the room for a second. In fact, the other night he managed to get out of bed, make coffee, go in the garage, and make it back into the living room. He was completely disoriented when my mom found him. It's very scary because there's NO telling what he could manage to do if he was alone.

My mom has been by his side nonstop since this all began. She gets no breaks. He isn't really sleeping, and is keeping them both up all night. If it's not constant trips to the bathroom, he's insisting that there's blood all over his hands, and getting belligerent when she tries to explain things to him. He's been "packing up the camper" as well. During the day, he is only "sleeping" for a few minutes at a time. When he does, his hands are often near his face, moving as if he's acting out his dreams. It's perhaps the saddest thing I've ever seen.

My aunts have been taking turns helping my mom and trying to provide her some bit of relief. I've been going over daily, but it's very hard because it's impossible for me to bring Emma with me and be of any use. I have to wait until Brad's home and can either watch her at our house, or watch her at Mom and Dad's while I visit with them or sit with Dad while my mom takes a bath. I don't really feel like I'm able to do any good, but I'm trying to be strong for my mom in anyway that I can. I have no idea how she's done this for so long. She's the truest testament of true love and of loving someone "in sickness and in health" that I've ever known. She's also the strongest person I've ever known. If you had ANY idea what she's gone through and put up with in the 30 years they've been married.......

On Tuesday my Aunt Nancy and Uncle Jim helped my mom take Dad to have an MRI. The doctors wanted to check his brain and see if the cancer had metastasized there, or if it was something else causing the dementia. His nurse came last night and was unable to even get a vein for an IV, despite she and my Aunt Nancy (who's a nurse) trying over and over. This morning my mom heard from the doctor's office. His brain scan was clear. However, it appears that his body systems are shutting down. She's waiting to speak to the doctor himself, but we've pretty much accepted that it's almost time to say goodbye. Hospice has been called and a nurse should be coming by the house sometime today.

In the end, I have to accept that he's made this decision himself. HE chose to stop eating weeks ago, and still refuses food when offered several times a day. There's nothing else anyone can do. At this point, IV fluids are just prolonging the inevitable. In some way, I'm so glad that he's so incoherent and unaware of what's going on around him. My worst fear has been his last moments and somehow, knowing that he will hopefully be unaware of the reality of what's happening is truly a blessing right now.

We're all devastated and would really appreciate your prayers during this difficult time. And thank you all for the prayers that you've been praying - they are being answered, even though only God knows what is best right now. I can't even begin to explain how terrified I am with what I know is about to happen. I'm trying to be as strong as I can, because I know that when it finally happens, it's going to take all that I have to avoid crawling under a rock and never coming out. I'll be 31 weeks pregnant in a few days. My only hope had been that Dad would be able to hold Abby. We know now that that won't happen. Devastation.

29 Weeks

The first picture is 29 weeks with Emma. The second is 29 weeks with Abby. I actually don't see a really huge difference between the 2 this week. In past weeks, it was pretty obvious that Abby was bigger. I have an ultrasound tomorrow, and can't wait to see how big she actually is. According to my weekly pregnancy emails, she's supposed to be around 2.5lbs this week.

I've been feeling really good lately. This pregnancy (aside from the gestational diabeetus) has been SO much easier on me than Emma's pregnancy. Looking back on my posts from back then, I was in SO much pain and was already seeing the cardiologist for my fast heart rate. At my last appointment, my heart rate was below 80. With Emma, my resting heart rate was often 140.

I'm also not in the tremendous pain I was with Emma. My pubic bone hurt TERRIBLY, and the back pain was almost unbearable. So far (knock on wood), I've had some back pain, but nothing too bad. Emma's been coming up to me and pointing to my belly and saying "Baby? Abby?" She's going to be such a good big sister. I can't wait to see my girls together.

I'm really looking forward to holding this sweet girl in my arms. I was talking to Brad a few days ago about what is going to be different "this time around." I don't think we've made any major mistakes with Emma so far (SHE may have something else to say about that once she's a grown up!), but I think I will be SO much more relaxed. I remember being terrified that she wouldn't latch to nurse her. I was stressed out and crying, she was stressed out and crying....Brad couldn't do much aside from sit back and watch helplessly. This time around, I know that she won't starve. She WILL latch and I WON'T think of offering her a bottle. I WON'T listen to the nurses in the hospital who tell me that I should just give her a bottle if she seems hungry. I know that I can do it, I know that she can do it.

I won't worry so much about her getting her days and nights straight right away. There's not much you can do for those first few weeks, and I plan to soak up every second of those "wide awake in the middle of the night" moments. They're often the sweetest. I know how precious that time is, and how quickly they grow. As much as I adore Emma and the age she is now, my heart still breaks that she's not my little baby anymore. I try to get her to let me hold her and play "baby," but she's not having it!

I have my ultrasound and OB check-up tomorrow and Brad's going to be able to come with me! He hasn't seen Abby on an ultrasound since I was 18 weeks pregnant. He's got Spring Break this week, as does my mom, so she's going to come watch Emma for us. I can't wait! I'll let you all know how big she is when we're back.

I Love You

Emma is growing up SO fast that it kills me! She's just been the most precious girl lately. She's so affectionate, and so sweet. She's also talking non-stop - seriously! I thought I'd spend a post talking about some cute things she says/does these days.

Stuff she says a lot....

I stuck.
I love you.
Thank you
Airplane
Baby CRY!
Where it go?
Go car? Mimi....Bailey? (she asks me this after EVERY nap!)
Nuggle nuggle (what we call 'snuggling' in the bed)
Come on!
All ready.
All done.
Come on Lucy!
Let's go!
Ok, ok, ok.
Waffle
Strawberry
Coke!
French fry
dipey
Gullah (from one of her favorite shows, Gullah Gullah Island)
Gabba (Yo Gabba Gabba)
Awesome!
Elmo
Night night dipey
Sauce. (pronounced saush)
Up above the... (when she wants us to sing Twinkle, Twinkle.)
Shhhhhh! Quiet.

We discovered a few weeks ago that she knows the last word to every line of her favorite song - Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. For example, I sing "Twinkle Twinkle little......" and she says "star." She knows the whole song that way!

I was folding her diapers the other day and she was helping. She picked up a stack of some of the inserts from her overnight diapers. I told her they were her "night night diapers." She proceeded to lay her head on them and say "night night dipey!" She STILL remembers that and does the same thing every time I fold diapers.

Yesterday while I was on the phone with my mom (I have a witness!) Emma walked up, pulled up my shirt and said "Baby Abby." "Abby come?" I was blown away. I rarely talk about that with her because I don't want to confuse her too much. It blew me away how much she understands.

She adores airplanes and has to stop dead in her tracks every time she hears one.

She will walk up to me and kiss me and say "I luh yee." It's the sweetest thing in the whole world. Check out the video!



She's very concerned about things "crying" these days. We went to the Yellow River Game Ranch and every time she heard an animal she said "oh no! Cry!" It was so cute.