I can't write much about this right now, because I just can't. Maybe one day soon I will, but not now. It's too fresh and my guts and my heart have been ripped open with loss and an emptiness that I can't even begin to explain. I want to be able to remember everything for my girls, but somehow, I don't think that I will need to write it down to remember every detail of every second.
My dad passed away on 4/15/11 at 4:08 PM in my and my Mom's arms. It was a beautiful and peaceful experience and I can only hope to feel as much love and peace as there was in that room when it's my time to go. He kept his dignity until the end, and passed away in his own bed - no needles, no poking, and no medication. He always DID choose his own path in life, and did things the way he wanted to - even in the end. We said our goodbyes, and a lot of words that I'd like to keep in the privacy of my heart, and then he went to sleep.
His funeral is tomorrow and I'm praying for the strength to make it through it. Mom and I are taking things minute by minute. The grief swells in waves, but is always there. A constant "hum" in the background of every conversation, every exchange. The tears flow several times a day, often unprovoked. I'm sure it will be that way for a long time.
For now, we have our precious Emma to love on and "nuggle nuggle" with, and sweet Abigail to prepare the way for. It's an incredible blessing to have those sweet girls to go on for. They will never know how much they've helped us all make it through these last few days, weeks, months.
Thank you all for the prayers, food, and general outpouring of love. We love each and every one of you and you have helped to ease the pain of our loss. We are eternally grateful.
Songs and Swimming
1 hour ago