9 Weeks Old

When I look back at pictures of myself from high school I think "Man! I thought I was so overweight back then." If only I had known....I would have lived it up! I remember when I started high school thinking, "I wish I knew how easy I had it in middle school." I remember going to work for the first time after graduating college and wishing life were as carefree as it was just one year ago. It always seems like you didn't know how nice things were and how great you had it until they've passed. This is NOT one of those times. I can say with all honesty - these are the best days of my life. And the best thing? I KNOW IT!

I spend my days staring at my beautiful baby girl, soaking in every sweet expression, every smile, every sweet touch. I get to smell her sweet head, nurse her, and lay her down to nap in her co-sleeper next to me every day. There isn't a single moment that I've taken for granted so far, and I hope there never is. I'm determined to savor every single second of her life, knowing how amazing of a miracle she is and how close I came to never having her.

Today marks the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. Today, more than ever, I am feeling that loss. At the same time I am so much more thankful for Emma. It still hurts, but it also makes me appreciate God more and the miracle that he worked when he gave us Emma Claire. After I got pregnant with Emma, a friend told me 'without having lost your first baby, you wouldn't have Emma.' That is SO true. She is so perfect, so amazing, and so beautiful. I can't imagine my life without her. It just wouldn't be whole.

She's growing SO much. She has her 2 month pediatrician's appointment this week. I'm looking forward to finding out how much she weighs. She's a huge little monkey! She's getting so long. She fits easily into size 2 diapers, though she's still wearing 1. We're cloth diapering about 1/2 the time. I'm trying to go through some disposables that we have before she outgrows them before switching to cloth full-time. She's smiling much more this week and is really showing her personality. She's cooing up a storm, but still prefers to "talk" to her Daddy. He's had a bad sinus infection this week, complete with a high fever, and I wouldn't let him near her for about 4 days. It killed him, though he agreed that it was better than her in the hospital with a high fever and infection. He's glad to be out of quarantine now and is eating her up with a spoon.

We had a milestone this week, at least for Mommy. We left Emma with my mom for an hour while we went to dinner! It just about killed me, but it was good for all of us. I didn't worry about her for a second. My mom is the only one I can dream of leaving her with - she knows her almost as well as I do. She's more than capable of calming her down if she's upset and knows what soothes her and what doesn't. What I wasn't expecting was how badly I'd miss her. It was hard! We had a great dinner though and were home before she even got hungry again. It was perfect. Not sure how often it will happen, but it's nice to know we have the possibility there.

I also have my doctor's appointment this week to do another ultrasound and re-check my cyst one last time. I'll likely be scheduling surgery to remove it in the near future. I'm hoping for a miracle, but prepared for reality too. I'll be glad to have it over with. As much as I love my OB, I'll be glad to not see him for awhile. I can't count the number of ultrasounds I've had on both hands - almost all of the ultrasounds while I was pregnant were to look at that darn cyst. I was certainly happy to see Miss Emma at the same time. Now there's no baby to look at, only a huge black spot that is now officially larger than my uterus. Not fun.

Emma's baptism is on Saturday. I'm so excited. I was telling my mom last night that it will be so emotional for me. Throughout my first pregnancy and miscarriage we were going to that church and I was praying for a miracle. It wasn't meant to be. Before I knew it I was pregnant again. I spent my entire pregnancy praying like mad for her health, development, my health, etc. God came through for us when we needed it most. Emma even kicked for the very first time at church! Something about bringing her back there to entrust her life to God in the Catholic Church means so much to me. I wish her Great-Grandma Claire, her namesake, were here to see her. She'll be wearing her cross and a St. Jude medal of Grandma's and I'm sure she'll be there in spirit to watch over Emma. A very emotional day for so many reasons.

Wish us luck this week. It will be my first trip to the pediatrician by myself with Emma. We're also going to opt for an alternative vaccine schedule which I'll be discussing with the doctor at this visit. I'm praying she's open-minded. I just can't imagine having 4 shots in one visit. That just CAN'T be good. We'll see how it goes! I'll update tomorrow with her new stats after the appointment.